Missing someone can feel incredibly lonely.
Whether you’re missing an ex after a breakup, someone you can no longer talk to or a person who was once a big part of your everyday life, there are moments when the sadness seems to take over everything else. You might feel a tightness in your chest, find yourself replaying old memories or wish there was someone who could simply make the pain disappear.
Unfortunately, there isn’t a quick fix for missing someone you care about.
There are, however, healthy ways to comfort yourself through those difficult moments. Instead of trying to ignore your emotions or force yourself to “move on”, you can learn how to respond to them with kindness, patience and understanding. Those small acts of self-care won’t remove the heartbreak overnight, but they can make it feel much more manageable while you heal.
If you’re looking for broader advice on recovering from heartbreak, this article is part of our Breakups & Heartache: Teen Guides to Healing, Coping & Moving On pillar. You’ll find practical guidance to help you understand your emotions, cope with difficult days and gradually rebuild your confidence after a breakup.
If you’re trying to understand why you miss someone so much, you may also find Why Do You Miss Someone So Much After a Breakup? helpful. If you’re looking for practical steps to move forward, our guide What to Do When You Miss Someone After a Breakup focuses on rebuilding your life after heartbreak.
Remember that needing comfort doesn’t mean you’re weak
Many people feel guilty for struggling after losing someone they cared about.
You might think you should be coping better by now or tell yourself that other people would have moved on more quickly. Those thoughts can make an already painful situation feel even heavier.
The truth is that needing comfort is part of being human.
When you lose someone who played an important role in your life, your mind and body both respond to that loss. You aren’t simply missing conversations or shared experiences. You’re adjusting to the absence of someone who became part of your routines, your future plans and your sense of security.
Feeling upset doesn’t mean you’re failing to cope.
It means you’re responding naturally to something that matters.
Rather than criticising yourself for feeling emotional, try asking yourself a different question.
“What would I say to a close friend who was feeling like this?”
Most people would respond with patience, understanding and reassurance.
You deserve that same kindness from yourself.
Stop trying to make the feelings disappear immediately
When emotional pain feels overwhelming, it’s natural to want it to stop as quickly as possible.
You might search for distractions, replay conversations hoping you’ll find a different ending or convince yourself that one message to your ex would somehow make everything feel better.
Often, though, that urgency creates even more distress.
The more you tell yourself that you shouldn’t be missing someone, the more frustrated you become every time those feelings return.
Comfort starts with accepting that sadness doesn’t need fixing immediately.
- You don’t have to enjoy feeling upset.
- You don’t have to pretend everything is fine.
- You simply have to allow yourself to experience the emotion without believing it will last forever.
Many people find that once they stop fighting every feeling, those emotions gradually become easier to carry.
Create a calm space instead of sitting with constant reminders
Your surroundings can have a surprisingly powerful effect on how you feel.
If every part of your room reminds you of your ex or someone you’re missing, it can become difficult to give your mind any opportunity to rest.
That doesn’t necessarily mean throwing everything away.
Instead, think about creating an environment that feels safe and calming for you right now.
You might tidy your room, open the curtains, change your bedding, light a scented candle if it’s safe to do so, play calming music or spend time somewhere in your home where you feel most relaxed.
These small changes won’t erase your emotions, but they can reduce the sense that you’re surrounded by constant reminders of your loss.
Comfort yourself the way you would comfort someone you love
Imagine that your closest friend had just gone through the same breakup you’re experiencing.
They tell you they can’t stop crying.
They say they miss their ex every day.
They feel lonely and aren’t sure they’ll ever be happy again.
You probably wouldn’t tell them to “get over it”.
You wouldn’t criticise them for still caring.
You’d remind them that heartbreak takes time, that their feelings make sense and that they won’t always feel this way.
Try offering yourself that same compassion.
Speak to yourself gently instead of harshly.
Remind yourself that today is only one part of a much bigger journey.
Self-compassion isn’t about pretending everything is okay. It’s about recognising that you’re having a difficult experience and responding with kindness instead of judgement.
Use comforting routines when emotions become overwhelming
There will probably be moments when missing someone suddenly feels much more intense.
Perhaps it’s late at night, you’ve just seen something that reminds you of them or you’re having one of those days where everything feels heavier than usual.
During those moments, it helps to have a few familiar routines you can return to.
That might mean wrapping yourself in a blanket with a favourite film, making a hot drink, reading a book, listening to calming music, taking a warm shower or going for a gentle walk outside.
The activity itself isn’t what matters most.
What matters is giving your mind and body a signal that you’re safe, cared for and capable of getting through this difficult moment.
If you notice that your emotions tend to rise and fall unpredictably, our guide Why Does Missing Someone Come in Waves? explains why that happens and why it doesn’t mean you’re moving backwards.
Reach out to people who help you feel safe
When you’re missing someone, it’s easy to believe that the only person who could make you feel better is the one you’ve lost.
Although that feeling is understandable, it isn’t always true.
There are often other people in your life who can offer comfort in different ways. A close friend might make you laugh when you haven’t smiled all day. A parent, sibling or trusted adult might simply listen without trying to solve the problem. Even spending time around other people without talking about the breakup can help you feel less alone.
You don’t have to carry everything by yourself.
Sometimes comfort comes from being reminded that you’re still surrounded by people who care about you, even if they’re not the person you’re missing.
Write down what you’re feeling instead of keeping it inside
When emotions stay locked inside your head, they often feel much bigger than they really are.
Your thoughts can begin to repeat themselves, moving around in circles without ever reaching a conclusion. You replay conversations, imagine different outcomes or find yourself wondering the same things over and over again.
Writing those thoughts down can help slow that cycle.
You don’t need to write a perfect diary entry or create something anyone else will ever read. Simply putting your thoughts onto paper can help organise feelings that currently seem tangled together.
You could write about what you miss most, what today has been like or even write a letter to the person you’re missing without sending it. The goal isn’t to contact them. It’s to give your emotions somewhere safe to exist outside your mind.
If you find yourself constantly replaying memories or analysing the relationship, you may also find How to Stop Thinking About Someone All the Time helpful.
Allow yourself to cry if you need to
Many people try to stop themselves from crying because they see it as a sign that they’re not coping.
In reality, crying is one of the ways our bodies naturally respond to emotional pain.
You don’t have to force yourself to cry, but you also don’t need to apologise for it if it happens.
Giving yourself permission to express sadness can sometimes feel more comforting than spending hours trying to hold everything together. Once those emotions have been acknowledged, many people notice they feel calmer than they did beforehand.
Crying isn’t a step backwards.
It’s simply one way your mind and body process loss.
Choose distractions that give your mind a chance to rest
Distraction sometimes gets a bad reputation.
People worry that if they watch a film, play sport or spend time with friends, they’re avoiding their emotions.
Healthy distraction is different from avoidance.
Avoidance means pretending your feelings don’t exist. Healthy distraction means giving your brain regular breaks from carrying emotional pain every minute of the day.
Watching your favourite programme, baking something, playing football, reading, gaming for a while, drawing or spending time outdoors won’t stop you missing someone forever.
What they can do is remind your brain that life still contains moments of enjoyment alongside the sadness.
If you’re looking for more ideas, our guide How to Distract Yourself When You Miss Someone shares practical ways to occupy your mind without simply running away from your emotions.
Notice when you’re looking for comfort in unhealthy places
Heartbreak often makes people search for anything that provides quick emotional relief.
You might repeatedly check your ex’s social media, look through old messages, listen to songs that make you cry or convince yourself that sending one more text will finally bring closure.
Those things may offer a brief feeling of comfort.
Unfortunately, they often make the sadness last longer because they keep pulling your attention back to the relationship instead of helping you build a life beyond it.
When you notice yourself reaching for these habits, try asking yourself one simple question.
“Will this comfort me tomorrow, or only for the next five minutes?”
That question often makes it easier to choose something that genuinely supports your recovery rather than temporarily easing the pain.
If contacting your ex feels particularly tempting, our articles How to Stop Wanting to Text Your Ex and Should You Message Someone Because You Miss Them? can help you think through that decision.
Comfort yourself during the hardest times of day
Many people notice that missing someone feels strongest at certain times.
For some, it’s late at night when everything becomes quiet. For others, it’s first thing in the morning, during weekends or after something good or bad happens and they instinctively want to tell the person they’re missing.
Rather than dreading those moments, try preparing for them.
You might create an evening routine that helps you unwind, arrange to call a friend after work, go for a walk at the time you usually start overthinking or keep a comforting playlist, book or podcast ready for when emotions begin to build.
Planning ahead doesn’t stop the feelings completely, but it can stop them from catching you by surprise.
If nights are particularly difficult, you may also find How to Stop Missing Someone at Night useful, as it explores why evenings often feel harder and what you can do to make them more manageable.
Remember that comforting yourself is part of moving forward
Some people worry that being gentle with themselves means they’re holding on to the past.
In reality, the opposite is often true.
When you learn how to comfort yourself in healthy ways, you become less dependent on the person you’re missing to regulate your emotions. You begin discovering that although the relationship has ended, you’re still capable of finding moments of peace, reassurance and happiness on your own.
That doesn’t happen all at once.
It develops gradually through lots of small moments where you choose kindness instead of criticism and patience instead of pressure.
Trust that comfort becomes easier with practice
When you’re in the middle of heartbreak, it can feel as though you’ll always need to work this hard just to get through the day.
Thankfully, that isn’t usually what happens.
The first few times you comfort yourself, the sadness may still feel overwhelming. You might go for a walk and still think about them the whole time. You might talk to a friend but still cry afterwards. You might write in a journal and still wake up missing them the next morning.
That doesn’t mean these things aren’t helping.
Healing rarely arrives as one dramatic moment where everything suddenly feels better. More often, it happens so gradually that you only notice it when you look back.
One day you’ll realise you went several hours without thinking about them. Another day you’ll hear a song that once upset you and find it doesn’t hurt quite as much. Eventually, you’ll have moments where you feel genuinely happy again without feeling guilty about it.
Those changes aren’t accidents.
They’re the result of consistently treating yourself with patience, compassion and care, even on the days when progress feels invisible.
You don’t have to stop missing someone to start feeling better
Many people believe they’ll only feel happy again once they stop missing the person completely.
In reality, those two things don’t always happen at the same time.
You can still think about someone occasionally while enjoying your life again. You can miss them without wanting the relationship back. You can feel grateful for what you shared while accepting that your future now looks different.
That shift is often one of the biggest signs of healing.
Your happiness gradually stops depending on whether you still miss them. Instead, missing them becomes one feeling among many, rather than the emotion that controls every day.
If you’re worried that still missing someone means you aren’t moving forward, our article Can You Miss Someone and Still Move On? explains why those experiences can happen together.
When should you ask for extra support?
Sometimes the comfort techniques in this article will be enough to help you through difficult moments.
Sometimes they won’t.
If you’re finding it difficult to cope with everyday life, the sadness feels overwhelming for a prolonged period or you’re becoming increasingly isolated from the people around you, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to deal with those feelings alone.
Talking to someone you trust can make a real difference. That might be a parent, another trusted adult, a friend, a teacher or a college tutor who can listen without judgement.
If your emotions are having a significant impact on your wellbeing or daily life, speaking to your GP or another qualified healthcare professional is also a positive step. Reaching out for support isn’t a sign that you’ve failed to cope. It’s a healthy way of looking after yourself when things feel too difficult to manage on your own.
Final thoughts
When you miss someone, it’s natural to wish there was a way to make the pain disappear immediately.
Although there isn’t a shortcut through heartbreak, there are gentle ways to make the journey easier.
Comforting yourself isn’t about pretending everything is okay.
It’s about recognising that you’re hurting and responding with the same patience and kindness that you’d offer someone you care about.
Over time, those small moments of self-compassion begin to add up. They help you feel safer, calmer and more confident that you can cope, even on the days when you miss someone the most.
You won’t always need as much comfort as you do today.
Until then, keep reminding yourself that healing isn’t measured by how rarely you miss someone. It’s measured by how gently you learn to care for yourself while you do.